Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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