anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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