billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
