we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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