party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
