Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
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Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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