My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
