Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
