Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
