I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
