It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
