I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
