Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dear god my vagina.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
