I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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