Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
