How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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