Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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