Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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