I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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