you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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