I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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