Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
