I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
