you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
