please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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