Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
