So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
