i permit you to call me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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