I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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