margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
