so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
