Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
