Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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