I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
