Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
