Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
