I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
