i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
