Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
