This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Houston, we have a squirter
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
