his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
