I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
