is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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