She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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