I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
