I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am naked and annoyed.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
