Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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