And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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