k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
