The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vagina is talking i cant
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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