sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
