apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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