I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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