she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
