i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
