Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
