Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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