I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
