Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
