life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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