you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
