i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Can I color on your dick again?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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