I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
