Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
