I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You made out with two different species that night
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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