if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
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My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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