He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
