adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
