I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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