Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
