so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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