the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
