hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
