Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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