You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
