I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
