i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
