it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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