i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
